Week 2 Post-Trial

[strictura]

[ The trial itself may have been pretty straightforward, but with how high emotional tensions were running afterward, there's probably no one feeling like organizing any kind of gathering right now.

So, go do your thing until a new week starts, and write down those memories you don't want to forget. ]

Comments

[ballooncaged]

(closed private prompt for Nagisa)
[With all the shock of the sleepover, Mizuki has decided that she needs an outfit change: Dark purple corduroy shorts over navy blue leggings, and a layered shirt with stylized sunset stripes. It's not enough. She's sitting at the fancy vanity in this gilded cage, bathroom door and suite door both open. The incredibly plain ponytail holder is on the counter as she brushes her hair.]

I've got this... doesn't hurt... I've got this...

---

(open prompt)
[After all of that, you know what Mizuki actually eventually is? Hungry. So she's in the dining hall and... was busy with her useless leaderplay back when this Halloween stuff first showed up. Now she's scooping out a pumpkin to put a paper bowl for candy in it. Maybe the front will have an eye shape. Who knows. But. Hm. Considering Cori and everything:]

...maybe we shouldn't have knives out.

---

(wildcard???)

re: wildcard

[seventhlittlemonster]

...When everyone comes back to life... IF everyone comes back to life... should we forgive her? [That was. out of nowhere but it was a genuine moral dilemma that was on his mind and he had to look to his one big sister for guidance.]

[ballooncaged]

[The only way it could be more out of nowhere is if Mizuki couldn't hear his giant footsteps in the castle hallway but as it is she's at least not liTERALLY like WHERE DID HE COME FROM but she is truly not prepared for these questions of cartoon, campy morality]

You know what? In that case, we'll talk to Violet first. Okay?

[seventhlittlemonster]

...That makes sense... [He sighed.]

I... feel like I shouldn't have done all that. It made me feel better for a while, but... I must have scared quite a few of the group. I shouldn't be so violent. I need to keep myself in check because what if I- What if- if I- I...

[He's scared.

Of himself.]

[ballooncaged]

Yeah, well, join the club. Maybe that's why I'm not scared of you.

[She crosses her arms. Wishes she had the fancy thumbloops from her coat actually.]

So if you have emotions you feel like you have to hide, you can always just tell me.

[seventhlittlemonster]

...Okay. [He nodded, fixed his posture, and... felt more at ease, even if it wasn't as good as he wished to feel.]

[ballooncaged]

[Runs her hands down her arms to make sure the sleeves aren't getting folded weird.]

...maybe it would be better for you if you didn't care about me either. But I'm glad we're friends.

[seventhlittlemonster]

It- [Hm. That distresses him because even after the last time he cared about someone ended terribly how could he even stay sane without someone to care about?]

I- You're the leader. I have to look to you for guidance... [Is there even going to be any leaders after this whole thing...?]

[ballooncaged]

...I can't just quit now.

[Even though she's SERIOUSLY tempted by it...]

I'm not sure... If attending the sleepover was the right decision. Cori not attending should have been suspicious, but I wanted to protect the rest of you there too.

open

[scratchitti]

[He was looking for food to when he walks in and sees Mizuki. He freezes, then tucks his chin down into his collar again, looking awkward]

...hey.

[ballooncaged]

Hi.

[Digs the central plus-shape into the pumpkin extra hard.]

You wanna come back when annoying toadies are done existing here? I've got a pretty good internal clock.

[scratchitti]

Wow. Like, okay I kinda deserve that but woof.

[He winces, fiddling with his lanyard]

You know when I said I agreed with Franzika that didn't mean I was disagreeing with you, right?

[ballooncaged]

[Rolls eyes, looks down.]

It makes sense to me by now, yeah. I'm not trying to pull some puppy dog trick, or stand by anything I said, just—I know exactly what's wrong with me and it felt like you must have recognized that too.

[scratchitti]

Look, I'm not in any position to judge anyone for anything- I'm a trash person. But... we don't need to be fighting each other right now.

[ballooncaged]

...that explains a lot.

[Not like she's calling Neku scum, it actually puts her at ease somehow.]

But does that mean I have to accept it? That giving the Queen a mental breakdown isn't just right in an emergency, it makes her a beautiful princess better than everyone who won't do it, too?

[scratchitti]

No, of course not. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. It's pretty clear Franzika has never really had anyone or anything counter her world view before and she freaked out. We were all freaking out.

I think you BOTH took it too far. But shit, I'm not your dad, I can't lecture you or something.

[ballooncaged]

Would have saved a little time to just say "you're both wrong" or something...

[She started smiling weakly at "not your dad". It's been a long day. She turns the pumpkin as if that will give her another perspective to look at.]

Back at the meeting when we talked about it for the first time... I thought I had come to terms with it. Then I was preparing to send Cori to her death, and all of a sudden I'm not supposed to accept that? I know I shouldn't even have bothered Franziska, but...!

[Not smiling by now. HOW UNSAY WORD? HOW NOT RESAY WORD?]

closed

[strictura]

[ Nagisa had already felt like maybe he should talk to Mizuki about things after the meeting on Tuesday, but he hadn't really wanted to bring up anything personal that she didn't want to talk about. It's not like any of them are really close enough to call themselves friends, right?

But after how things had devolved after the trial, it seems like he should at least let her know he's open to listening before things get out of hand. So he stops by her room on the way back to his own, and taps on the door frame. ]

Okiura-san?

[ballooncaged]

Oh... Hey.

[It should make her nervous that she's made him blatantly worried about her, that she's weak and vulnerable, but Nagisa has made it possible to trust that he's on her side, helped her believe in the potential of kids. Maybe he's worried about something else anyway so she'll keep the game face on for a second.]

I'm not doing anything weird, you can totally come in. [She turns on the chair to face outward.]

[strictura]

[ With a nod, he steps inside, then pauses and motions toward the door. ]

Is it all right if I close this? I-I mean, I'm not intending to do anything weird either, of course, but I thought... maybe you'd want to talk about some things without everyone listening.

last chance to turn back before cw child abuse incl self victim blame, ai spoilers

[ballooncaged]

That... Sure.

[She puts down the hairbrush and shuffles over into the seating area, where her voice already won't carry out the door.]

I didn't want to back down if the group needed me, but I guess you know by now why I'm not very qualified to be a leader, so we should talk about it. I'm abnormal.

[strictura]

[ He'll quietly close it, then, and come over to take a seat nearby.

What she ends up starting with definitely isn't what he'd planned for, but it's fine. ]

You could say the same of me and all of my friends back home, but why is that the case for you?

[ballooncaged]

Is that why... You guys avoid adults?

[Glancing at him thoughtfully. It's rhetorical, as she accepts his offer. Folds her hands in her lap.]

I haven't been telling people a lot about my home life. I don't want them to look at me differently but... I get the feeling you mean it when you care about all children, so I'm going to say it.

I'm... I'm not a good girl. I would always ask to play and hug instead of pick up after myself, so Mom would have to explain, and then I'd cry, and then she was forced to hit me. When I was eight, Daddy just had me start living with his friend Date instead, and Mom got divorced and... [Her eyes wander, how to put this.] And sometimes I would still visit Daddy, at least. And... I... [She's been (alarmingly) matter of fact up till now but is on the verge of tears.] I know I'm saying weird things, but it always felt like it was my fault. I can't change the past, no matter how much I want to... A few days before all this, Mom and Daddy were murdered!!

[So many things she's had to hide from everyone!!]

[strictura]

[ He's frowning throughout this; it's not quite the same as any of their situations, but it's familiar enough that it still hits home and hurts.

He almost looks relieved when she gets to that last part, but... that also means he might need to dial back his scorn for her parents right now, even if it sounds like they got what they deserved. ]

Okiura-san... That's completely normal child behavior you're describing, not misbehavior. Nearly all children want to play and receive affection from their parents. Of course it's important to learn to delay gratification sometimes, but there's no justification for hitting you over something like that, and she absolutely wasn't forced to do it.

[ He knows that in a way, that makes it worse -- that the people who brought you into this world are choosing to treat you this way. But at least when you frame it like that, it's a little easier to try to shift the blame from yourself to them. ]

I understand feeling that way. I always thought that what my parents did to me was because I wasn't good enough, because I couldn't meet their expectations no matter how hard I tried. I thought it was my fault for not being born as someone better, and that I still owed them love and obedience even when I was never anything but an experiment to them.

But none of that is true. The problem isn't us.

[ballooncaged]

An experiment? [It could be taken literally, particularly after all the science fiction Mizuki has seen here and even back home, but ultimately that distinction is a rhetorical one. What matters is how much pain they've felt.] I guess we both know neither of us are stupid or lazy by now. I know that - hitting anyone, hurting anyone so much - is definitely wrong, especially some little kid. But that's just how it had to be, for so long, and they say "it's your fault" or "you're making me look like the bad guy". It, it makes sense, it won't you apologize even though whatever you say sounds annoying too, and you can't remember eer being happy anymore. How can what they expect and you expect be different? And having nothing is... even scarier than that. Being alone, and afraid, and the way everyone else treats you... Without Date, I don't know if—

[But she doesn't have him here. And Nagisa might not even have someone like that at all.]

Thank you for... being someone I can trust. I have my friend without a dad, but you're the first person I actually know who— [Her hand cups the air as she tries to grasp the idea.] Is not the problem. [She's forcing herself through this for the first time, almost only believing it in the sense that to disagree would be to invalidate Nagisa.]